O Mel

Dear Mel Gibson,

While reading my favorite gossip rag today I saw that allegedly your 39-year-old Russian girlfriend is expecting your eighth child. Wow! That's really something. I'm sure that your other seven kids are thrilled that you and their mother split up and they get to have a new baby brother or sister! I would sure be happy about that if I were one of them.

But I need some clarification on something. Forgive me for my confusion, but I also read that you and your wife are divorcing. Now my understanding is that Catholics aren't allowed to divorce. Strictly speaking, you have to get an annullment which means you were never married and now your seven other kids are (and excuse me for being indelicate) bastards. Maybe you're wondering why I care. Well frankly I guess I really don't. Mostly I'm just embarrassed for your ex-wife and kids. I know how I would feel if I split up for my husband and then saw him out and about with a pregnant girlfriend. And even moreso I can imagine how cruddy it would feel, as a grown woman, if my dad knocked up his much younger girlfriend. For heaven's sake, you're 53. Your oldest child is 28! Basically that means your oldest child could easily be this baby's parent.

I'd like to make a few suggestions. First of all, stop spouting about being Catholic. I'm pretty sure the Catholic church isn't very impressed with you at this point. Second, why don't you have a little respect for your family and keep it in your pants.

I hope you will consider my suggestions.

With absolutely no respect for you whatsoever (or any man that behaves the same way),

Maggie