Job tips

I'd like to give you some advice on how to behave if you're looking for a job:

1. Call back every number that comes up on your cell phone without listening to any messages that were left.

2. When the friendly receptionists suggests you listen to your messages, lie and say you have none even though it is company policy to leave a message for every prospective employee.

3. Demand to know who called you. It is clearly the fault of the receptionist if she doesn't have that information on hand.

4. If you're calling in for a phone interview make sure to give the wrong name of the interviewer. Bonus points if you forget it entirely.

5. Be very vocal in your dislike of the company's benefits. Complain that the vacation leave is too minimal, the insurance too expensive and the 401k waiting period too long. This behavior is especially endearing and effective if you are new to your field and have minimal job experience.

6. Make sure to ignore every piece of paperwork the company sends you. These are only going to outline things like which holidays are paid and how long you have to wait until you're eligible to take vacation time. If you actually read them you'll have nothing to call and berate your employers about later.

7. When filling out the application write "see resume" on the job history and reference areas even though you are explicitly told in the instructions: "Do not write 'See resume.'"

8. Do not disclosure felony charges for assault and armed robbery.

Some other tips once you've scored the position:

1. Complain about your job for a full year to anyone that will listen. Quit with less than two weeks notice. When your new job doesn't work out call your old company and demand they give you back your job. Become verbally abusive when told the job has been filled by someone else.

2. Show up late and leave early every single day. Blame a power outage for turning off your alarm. Do this numerous times in your first month of employment.

3. Sleep under your desk every single day. Hide from your boss and cry when he confronts you.

4. Be so completely incompetent that someone has to monitor you constantly.

5. When asked to take on new tasks become defensive and angry. Do a very poor job.

6. Show up to work drunk.

GOOD LUCK!!

So don't invite them

I use a site meter. This tells me how many people visit my blog and can also show where people visit from and how they found me. They might just know my blog address, they might link to me from someone else's blog or they may do a google search that locates my blog.

Today I went to look at the site meter and noticed that someone found me by searching "I hate when people stay at my house." Er...so don't invite them. (For the record, the post that they linked to was about how I hate staying anywhere but my house. I love for all you to come visit me.)

Update

OK. I know. I owe you all a major update. I think once I tell you what's been happening you'll forgive my shameful lack of posting.

First, we are back in Denver! Kent finished school at the end of May and we decided that it was in our best financial interest to move back to Colorado as soon as possible. We knew that he wouldn't be able to get a job as a respiratory therapist until September but he was able to go back to his old job full-time. So we packed up a few things and said good-bye to San Antonio. Kent then had to fly back at the end of June and supervise the movers who packed us up. I'd like to add here that having other people move you is totally the way to go if you can afford it.

While we waited for our renter to leave our apartment (and for our household goods to arrive) we stayed with my parents. In part this is because we didn't really torment them enough last year when we lived with them. We are, in fact, still staying there through this weekend. Our stuff arrived last Sunday but um...unpacking is difficult. I get things out of boxes and then stare hopelessly at the piles of stuff everywhere. Making the initial decision about where things should live is so challenging that ultimately I have to sit down and read a magazine until the crisis passes. Clearly this is not an effective way to get things done.

Earlier in the week, sensing my despair, my mom took pity on me and came over to help me sort things out. This was major because intially she refused to help. Her rationale was that I wouldn't learn unless forced to do it myself. Also because she's very busy with her own life. (I guess no one told her that when she had kids they would be the priority forever. Sheesh.) Once she was there things got moving and progress was made.

We have another big thing happening in our life that we just found out about (withhold your cheers...I'm not pregnant). Kent is being deployed in November. We knew this was quite likely, as his unit is deployable every three years and this is year three. He's being deployed to...SAN ANTONIO. Yup kids, you read that right. Six weeks after we leave we find out he's going back in November. Now I know that really that isn't too bad. He's nearby and not in a warzone. But seriously. If we'd found out six weeks ago we'd have just stayed down there. As it is I'll probably stay here and he'll go down and fly home a few times a month. Not ideal but as I said, things could be much worse.

So there you have it! Now that I'm caught up I'll be back on a much more regular basis.

Ick

Do you think she had to practice her strung-out look?