1. Make lots of mistakes. Apologize for said mistakes. Continue to make the same ones, over and over.
2. Make sure your moods are completely unpredictable. This works on a day-by-day basis but is even more effective if you can manage hour-by-hour mood variations. You might consider yelling at your coworkers if the mood strikes you. Talk to them an hour later as if nothing happened.
3. Plan to get by on your looks. Do not cultivate any personality or hobbies. When your looks start to fade become demanding and needy. Complain that no one loves you and you don't know why.
4. Make completely terrible choices in your personal life. Ask for a lot of advice. Ignore all of it.
5. Hold onto grudges for years. Pretend like you aren't mad about those things anymore. Release your pent-up rage at completely inappropriate times and in completely inappropriate situations. Act surprised when people question your sanity.
6. Behave like your time is more valuable than anyone else's. You can do this by ignoring emails and phone messages but demanding prompt replies from people that work for or with you. When you do manage to get back to said people make sure that you don't really answer their question.
7. Vehemently argue a point that is, in fact, incorrect. For example, you could argue that the cervix is inside the uterus rather than at its entry. Maintain that all current science textbooks are wrong. Resort to childish name calling. This example is ideal if you are a woman arguing with a man.
8. Ask friends to borrow money to pay your rent. Tell them you'll get evicted in a bid to gain sympathy. Use the borrowed funds to get a tattoo or buy drugs. When said friend realizes they've been duped, promise to pay them back immediately. Instead, stop returning their calls.
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9. If you're an employee come to work drunk all of the time. Hide under your desk. Refuse to seek counseling and blame it on your boss being either sexist or racist. Have your mother call your boss when you lose your job.
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