For the majority of us, being a grown-up is something that we arrive at by our mid- to late-twenties. The route may at times be circuitous; we may backtrack or make detours (intentional and unintentional). We aren't deposited at adulthood's doorstep all at once, but wake up to find that somehow, in bits and pieces, it's where we've arrived. Being an adult doesn't necessarily mean being married** and having kids or obtaining a mortgage, although having all three usually leaves little choice. A person can not have any and still be an adult; or they might have one or two and be a man-child. The traits below will help give you more insight into that guy you're chatting up at the bar.
1. He asks you to buy him a drink. This doesn't necessarily make him a man-child, but it does mean he's a complete douchebag.
OK, now that we have the obvious out of the way, we can move on.
2. He still derives some portion of support from his parents. Honestly, this is just so, so lame. It means that he hasn't figured out how to do the work so that he can support himself. It's completely entitled, whether he's barely scraping by or if he's living large. If mommy and daddy pay the bills, just walk away.
3. His drink of choice is Pabst Blue Ribbon. When it comes to drinking, we all have to start somewhere. This might be rum and coke, something like Mike's Hard Lemonade, or cheap beer. That's fine. It's totally normal. There's nothing wrong with occasionally drinking these things into adulthood. But BEWARE the guy who deliberately drinks PBR night after night. He drank PBR in high school, he drinks PBR now, and chances are good that a lot of other things about him haven't changed since he was seventeen. Which brings me to my next point...
4. The majority of his friends are people he went to high school with. I think it's nice to stay in touch with friends from high school. One or two might even qualify as close friends as you leave your twenties for your thirties. But for you to stay tight with all the people you met in eighth grade algebra means that you probably haven't changed much. And a lack of change means a lack of maturity. And a lack of maturity means a man-child.
5. Cartoons. Does he still love cartoons? Adult Swim. "Family Guy" (or any of Seth McFarlane's shows). Even, God help me, "The Simpsons"? The humor tends towards potty or stoner. Sure it can be funny but do you really want to settle down with a guy that thinks fart jokes are the pinnacle of hilarity? Even worse a lot of the humor is distincly anti-woman. Do you really want a guy that thinks it's funny to make fun of women? To insult their bodies or their reproductive capabilities? I hope your answer is no. Love of cartoons is a definitely man-child characteristic.
The last one, a lot of you will hate me for. You'll find reason to argue. But please hear me out. I think I have a point.
6. A disproportionate love of travel. I love to travel. I think traveling is an amazing privilege. If you have the opportunity to travel someplace wonderful or new TAKE IT. But here's the thing: for a lot of us, those chances assert themselves when we're in our early twenties. We've finished college but aren't settled into a serious job. Sometimes we're still getting help from our parents. We don't have kids or a spouse. It's a great time to take six weeks a travel through Southeast Asia or backpack through Europe for six months. But you get to a point where you transition from child to adult and that means that you have a job with a certain amount of stability and responsibility and two weeks vacation. If you meet a guy that's getting ready to move to Chile for six months and rock climb, you've met a man-child. Unless his rich uncle died or he won the lottery, he can't afford to do that by himself. He's getting some portion of support from his parents (please refer back to #2 for reference on why that's bad) and that's not a grown-up thing to do.
There's nothing wrong with loving to have fun. There's nothing wrong with being irresponsible in your early twenties. The above listed qualities are things that are unremarkable in a guy who's 23. The problem arises when you approach 30 and you're not willing to evolve your identity. It's LAME. It's lame and pathetic and boring to act the same at 22 as you do at 29. It is the hallmark of a person who is immature, and moreover, entitled. So my single friends, I ask you: is that what you want? Or do you want a guy who has goals and can spring for a twelve-pack of good beer?
Also, maybe stop trying to chat up guys at bars. By 29 or 30, the single guys hanging out at bars are almost certainly man-children. Check out a local softball team, ski/outdoor club or similar.
*Although the term "man-child" is typically applied to men, it can also apply to women. I was unable to locate a comparable term for a female version of a man-child.
**I'm no expert, but I've been married almost seven years and I know many a man-child (NOT my husband). I think I might have some perspective to offer.
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