Flights of fancy

On Tuesday I did what all new parents dread: I took my infant child on an airplane. I wasn't concerned about germs. I was concerned about being THAT PERSON. That person who takes her child on a flight only to have the child scream bloody murder the whole time and making all the other passengers wish, just a little, for the plane to crash.

Although I was worried I told myself that I'd never had a flight ruined because of a crying baby. I've certainly had unpleasant flights thanks to extremely annoying four-years-olds screaming and kicking my seat and drunk people being assholes, but never because of a crying infant. I searched the internet for tips and asked parents that have traveled with kids what they thought. What I learned was to nurse on the way up and down and to cheerfully tell anyone with a problem to go fuck themselves. The first part was no problem but the second seemed too rude to actually be employed.

As it turned out I needn't have worried. Although Foster did cry a little bit he was no match for the airplane noises and the three teenagers behind me. I guess I have a new standard for The Most Annoying People To Share An Airplane With. From what I gathered, none of them had ever been allowed to leave the house before. Their neglectful father sat near them and never said one word about knocking off their shrieky laughter or that the nice lady with the baby in front of them might not like having her seat systematically kicked for four hours.

I guess the moral of the story is that the people who suck on flights are the ones that act horrible and should know better. Emphasis on should.