The change in person grooming standards

A long, long time ago, like three years, I used to get my eyebrows waxed by a woman named Michelle, who owned an upscale waxing salon downtown. I had the nerve to say obnoxious things like "I don't let anyone but Michelle touch my eyebrows." I would drive fifteen minutes every other week and pay $25 for this service. You might be feeling like you need to throw up right now and that's OK. Then some other things started to take priority. For example, not using credit anymore and paying for groceries. Now, three years on I look like the yeti's cousin and in the words of Tina Fey, my eyebrows "left unchecked will grow straight across my face and onto yours." OK, I just made that up. My untamed eyebrows actually more closely resemble Andy Rooney's. After I stopped getting my brows waxed my mom finally broke down and bought my a lighted magnifying mirror, out of pity or embarrassment I'm not sure. My eyebrows look normal, but not as good as they did during my $50-a-month waxing habit. But you know what I realized? NO ONE LOOKS AT YOUR EYEBROWS THAT CLOSELY. So it's fine. Eyebrows are the worry of vain, rich, white women that don't know real human suffering. Read the reviews on Yelp for the place I used to go. The fact that anyone gives a three-star review to a place that does waxing and isn't affiliated with a dictatorship shows you a lot of people don't have nearly enough to worry about. Anyway. Personal grooming priorities change, especially once you have kids. Even more especially one you have more than one kid. I don't want to depress any would-be moms so I will caveat this by saying I still have the ability to clean up really nice and I could do it everyday but I just don't care that much and I'd rather do other things. Ugh. That was so much better before I put in my politically correct bit wasn't it?

Here I things I did before kids that I don't do now:
1. Style my hair, Every. Single. Day. With a blow dryer, straightening iron, protecting serum and some other stuff I forget.
2. Make-up! Now I only put it on when I'm going someplace special, like Target or Bear's nursery school.
3. Nail polish. Time to put it on but not to take it off. And you know who wears chipped nail polish? Hookers and stripper. I'm pretty sure that's in the Bible.
4. Earrings. I'd have to be crazy to wear earrings with a two-year-old.
5. Clothes that required dry cleaning or hand washing.
6. Shoes with a heel.

In an effort to not be discouraging, there are things I DO do and will never give up. Unless we have another baby.
1. Leg shaving. Funnily enough, I was actually really lazy about this before kids. Now I do it every time I shower. Maybe to extend by two minutes the amount of time I don't have to hear "Mommy."
2. Flossing. Pssh. That's just good oral hygiene.
3. Face washing and moisturizing. Even though I look haggard right now someday, when I get sleep again, I would like to reduce the likelihood I'll look like the Cryptkeeper.
4. Nail clipping. Personal bias: long nails are gross.
5. Eyebrow plucking. To keep my eyebrows in magazine condition I do this once a month, usually after I've been stuck in traffic and spent a lot of quality time looking in the visor mirror in the car under natural light.
6. Showering. Because I have standards.